Eternity in Five Minutes
by Campanile
Summary: Just five minutes can change your life in ways you never thought possible, as Shinji finds out the hard way.


"No, no, no! It must be a lie! Kaworu is an Angel? That must be a lie!"

"That's true! Accept the fact!"

Shinji couldn't believe his ears. Kaworu, an angel? He stood in a daze, barely being able to believe this was happening.

"Shinji, come on! He's approaching Terminal Dogma! We have to get to him before he gets Adam!" He heard Misato, but he didn't listen. He couldn't. Why did he have to be the one to fight him? They had been willing to send Rei when she could barely stand, when she could barely move due to injury.

It wasn't fair! Why did his father have to send him? Why did Kaworu have to be an Angel? Shinji pulled on his plugsuit, oblivious to the people around him telling him to hurry. He felt like he was hurrying, but apparently wasn't moving fast enough. He considered telling them to shove it, but kept his mouth shut. He really couldn't deal with, nor was he interested in, starting fights right then.

He got in EVA-001 and felt the familiar sensation of the LCL filling up the cockpit. He felt the same determination come over him that he had felt whenever he had fought the other Angels – it was evil, it was trying to destroy the world, destroy mankind, and it had to be eliminated for the good of everything. The feeling suddenly stopped. He was scared. His foe was an Angel, but it was _Kaworu_ and…and…he couldn't take it anymore.

"You betrayed me! You betrayed my mind! You betrayed me like my father!" He screamed. He had trusted Kaworu, more than he had ever trusted anybody, and this was where it got him. He felt…anger, that was understandable. Sadness, betrayal, they were too. But something was there – he should have known it – it was…content. He was content. Killing Kaworu? No. He would never be okay with that. But he felt like he'd accomplished something right then, the same feeling he'd had last night.

Why was it still there? He should hate Kaworu. Kaworu was an Angel…and now his mind was just going in circles. He shook his head to clear it.

He brought the EVA to Terminal Dogma. He laid his gaze on Kaworu. At this point, he didn't know what to think. "You are here."

Kaworu looked up at him, and smiled. "I've been waiting for you."

"Kaworu…" How in the world could he be so calm about this? Didn't he know what had happened to his brethren? Didn't he know what fate awaited him? He had to! But here he was, like he found himself in that situation every day. It was insane. Then he noticed. EVA-002. _Asuka's_ EVA-002. "Asuka! I'm sorry!" _It shouldn't have happened like this…_

Kaworu kept smiling, as if he were expecting all of this. It wasn't fair to Shinji, it shouldn't have had to be him in this position. A test, he was sure. If Shinji passed it, he would be the chosen one. The one, who, for a little while, would play God. Kaworu closed his eyes and bowed his head. Those thoughts were for later. "Evae, factae de Adamo, the beings detested by people. Nevertheless, Lilim are trying to survive by the instrumentality of those. I don't figure out why." He frowned. Did they not know that they would all die as a result of this if they went through with it? Why were Lilim so self-destructive that way?

"Kaworu, stop! I don't see why!" Shinji couldn't believe this. Why did he have to go through with this? Couldn't Kaworu see how much it was hurting him? Did he just not care? That wasn't the Kaworu he'd known last night. It wasn't the same…couldn't be the same…

Kaworu looked at him again, and smiled softly. He couldn't stop, that was for sure. This was his mission, and it was his duty to see it through as best he could. There was so much he didn't understand himself – how could even begin to explain things to Shinji? "Eva is made of the same body as mine, because I am also the natus de Adamo. When the unit does not have a soul, I can unify. Now that the soul of this unit is shutting itself –"

Shinji's eyes widened. "AT Field!"

Kaworu laughed. "Yes, You, Lilim, call it so. The holy region that must not be invaded by anyone. The light of mind. You, Lilim, are aware of that. Aware that the AT Field is the wall of the mind that anyone has." They knew so much about him and his kind, and yet had no idea what would happen if all the messengers failed. The end of the world would happen anyway, leaving the planet nothing more than a shell of its former glory. She with Angel blood would merge with Adam or Lilith. That was her purpose, her sole reason for existence. Lilim were so silly sometimes.

"I don't understand that! Kaworu!" This whole thing felt like a dream. Shinji wished, desperately wished, that he could go back to yesterday, back to when he first met Kaworu, wishing he had known Kaworu was an Angel then, or that he wasn't at all, or that…or that…

"The destination of people? The hope of people is the thread of sadness." Kaworu smiled. Hope was all one had sometimes, and then only as a thought that things couldn't get worse. When hope was crushed, it resulted in a feeling far worse than the one that had caused hope in the first place. It was a neverending cycle. They should know better, but they continue it anyway. It was a mystery to him.

Shinji screamed. "Kaworu! Wait!" Was there anything he could do to stop him, besides killing him? Suddenly he felt something powerful, something strong. He knew that feeling… "What?" It was an AT Field, but he had never felt one so powerful before. Was it because of the Angel behind Kaworu? Could he defeat Kaworu now? Did he have the power? Could he defeat them both? He moved, and the EVA held Kaworu in its hand.

Kaworu shook his head. There was so much Shinji didn't understand, so much Lilim didn't understand. "Adam, our mother being. Those born from Adam must return to Adam? Even annihilating people." He frowned. Something was strange, something wasn't right. "No! Different!" His eyes widened as he realized what it was, what it had to be. He laughed once again. "This is Lilith. I see. I've got it, Lilim." That – Lilith – was the aura he had felt, what they all had felt, and that was what they tried to get into NERV to reunite with. The Lilim had Adam, he was sure of it, but they had all been tricked. If he had an obstacle now, after all this, there was no way he could get to Adam without killing Shinji. "Thank you, Shinji. I wished you to keep Unit Two. Otherwise I would live with her." And it would be a half-life, a cursed half-life, worse than no life at all.

Shinji couldn't believe he was hearing this. "Kaworu, why?" Why? That was the only question here. Why did the only person he love have to be his worst enemy? Why did he have to be the one to fight him? Why was he chosen to pilot EVA today? Why was he chosen at all? Why was he…why was he…

"I've been destined to live forever, although people are to be annihilated as the result. However, I am able to die. To be or not to be, it makes no difference to me. My death is the absolute liberty." Kaworu knew Shinji would not appreciate his answer, even as he said it. It was the decision he had to make – there was no other, there never could be another. It was either him or Shinji, and this had been his mission from the beginning. Shinji had been dragged into where they were right then – it wasn't his choice. Shinji had the choice to kill him here, and all he could do was wait.

Shinji's eyes widened, and he screamed. "What are you talking about? Kaworu! I can't figure out what you're talking about! Kaworu!" Did Kaworu really want to die? This was so different from the boy he'd met yesterday, the boy he'd poured out his heart to last night, the boy he…his breath caught in his throat. The boy he loved. He wanted so badly to wake up from this nightmare, yet he knew it was all real, all way too real.

Kaworu smiled softly. "My dying words." He knew it. He knew what Shinji's choice would be, and he was happy that he had given him that choice. It was either Shinji or mankind, and Shinji had chosen himself. He knew that it would prove fruitless, but wasn't the knowledge that you had saved the world again a small comfort, at least for a little while? The human that he, against his better judgment and everything he'd been told when he took on a human form, the human that he had fallen in love with, was faced with pain everywhere he turned. Nothing would ever be the same after this, especially this particular "battle." There was nothing more he could do for Shinji. As much as he loved him, his duty came first. "Now, please erase me, otherwise you will be erased. The living thing that escapes the time of annihilation and obtains the future is only one. You are not the one that must die. You are the one that needs future. Thank you, Shinji Ikari. I am glad to have met you." _I love you._Then he knew nothing.

-- -- --

Shinji couldn't believe it. He had killed Kaworu, the only person that he had ever cared about in that way, and the only person who had ever returned such a feeling. He felt guilty. He had just saved the world once again, but couldn't he have been selfish just that one time? He walked in a daze. "Kaworu said 'I love you.' To me! For the first time, for the first time I heard those words. He looks like me. He looks like Ayanami." He realized what the feeling from before the battle against him had been. "I loved him…" He was angry with himself, angry for killing Kaworu, even though he knew what he'd had to do. It was for the greater good, but why couldn't it, for once, have gone the way he'd wanted it to? "It is Kaworu that should have survived. He was much better than I am. He should have survived." That he knew, that he was sure of. Killing Kaworu had been wrong.

Misato couldn't believe she had just heard Shinji say that. The Fifth Child had been an Angel, and he had wanted to die. Was Shinji paying attention at all during that battle? What was wrong with him? She wanted to help, but she couldn't find the words to say. Her anger at Kaji's death had brought about some new insights, and she knew one thing was true now, one thing that she had to tell Shinji. She placed her hand on his shoulder. "No. A survivor must have the will to survive. He wished to die. He abandoned the will to live, and depended on false hope."

Shinji shrugged her hand off his shoulder, and stared sadly at her. "You are cold, Misato." Over her shoulder, he saw the clock. 9:45. It had taken less than one day for him to meet and kill the one he loved, the only one he would ever love. It had taken five minutes to kill Kaworu after finding out his secret. It had taken five minutes, but it had felt like an eternity. He looked at the sunset and smiled. Eternity. Kaworu was an angel. If he could spend eternity with Kaworu, it would make everything worthwhile. There was so little time left. Everything had already started crashing down around him. He could wait.


End file.
